One of those Days...

I had one of those days yesterday.  You know the one I'm talking about.  At the end of it you regret pretty much the whole day.  I laid my head down last night and just wept.  It had been a long and disappointing day and I just was ready for it to be over.

It started out well, with good intentions and full of possibilities.  Glen had told me that he would watch the boys all afternoon so that Lydia and I could have some girl time.  He had things that they could help with at the church to get ready for our Summer Theater production of "Charlotte's Web" we are doing next weekend.  I was delighted to have some time to get a few things done and a few minutes where it was just a slight bit quieter around here.  Don't get me wrong I love having all my children home during the summer, it has been a great summer so far, but the volume in our house gets a little bit overwhelming at times.  

The only thing on my to-do list was getting Ethan to the Doctor to check his feet.  He has been having some trouble with severe cracking and I was worried that he could get an infection.  So I called at 8 am to make an appointment, but to my dismay the only time they could fit him in was 2:15 in the afternoon.  That was right smack dab in the middle of my afternoon away.  I figured I could get him to the doctor and still have a couple hours afterwards before the fam came home and Glen said we could grab some dinner so I was relieved of kitchen duty and thought it was still doable.  

Well once lunch was over it was nap time for Lydia.  She couldn't disagree more.  It was a battle and around 1:30 I knew it she had won.  We arrived at the doctors office right at 2pm and didn't get called back to a room until 2:45pm.  Lydia had hit the fence by this time and was terribly tired and uncooperative.  We got into the room and she wanted to touch everything. (Two year olds are God's way of showing our own stubbornness towards Him.)  I tried to get her to lay in my arms several times, but to no avail.  Keith came in around 3:10 and we finally left around 3:35pm.  By the time we got to the car, I was exhausted from just dealing with her and realized there was no way we could go out.  Disappointment and frustration had set in.

When dinner time came around, I was crazed.  I was snappy and grumpy and down right pitiful. I had let the day get to me and I was no fun to be around.  The more I spoke the more I regretted.    I was glad when the day was over because I couldn't be a terrible mother, wife, sister or friend anymore.  

As I laid in bed last night, trying to forgive myself for the ugliness I had inflicted on everyone a song stirred up inside of me.  "Refiner's Fire".  The lyrics go like this...

Purify my heart

Let me be as gold and precious silver

Purify my heart

Let me as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire, my heart's one desire

is to be holy

Set apart for You, Lord

I choose to be holy

Set apart for You, my Master

Ready to do Your will

Purify my heart

Cleanse me from within and make me holy

Purify my heart

Cleanse me from my sin, deep within

The statement that stuck out was the "choosing" part.  Yesterday I felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride that I couldn't control.  Once I chose to get off, I was able to refocus.  Regrettably, but off none the less.  I want to choose holiness, but often times I don't choose right.  My prayer today is that I will choose instead of randomly acting out.  I am thankful that His mercies are new every morning and that I have a husband and children that give mercy as well.